Understanding why we like catfights

[lumberjack66]

As somebody who has participated in a fair amount of "professional help" over this subject, just thought I'd step back in again on this subject in reply to BettyBoop.  Clearly you and your husband are in a moment of crises over this subject and I would suggest you seek counseling for both of you.  I have always found being able to talk about this to be very helpful.  But I have to warn you that you may be disappointed with the professionals judgements on this subject.  In general this kink trends toward the shallow end of the perversion pool.  Most psychological professionals have seen much worse than us and tend to not be alarmed by this kink.  Most won't even label it a fetish for most cases because it is considered so mainstream.  In my case, I saw a counselor who told me to embrace it and normalize it and it will go away (pretty sure he is wrong about that, but it was his advice), saw a sexual specialist who determined that I was in the normal range of sexual interest and was more interested in my wife's hidden traumas (and I have to say some of the people in her waiting room really scared the shit out of me), and counselor 3, a christian counselor, which is really hard to find put me in group counseling primarily so I could see I really wasn't the monster I thought I was (again a couple of those guys scared me too).  It does sound to me like your husband has crossed some lines.  Sharing your pictures.  Involving children or worse your children.  Fantasizing about "horrible things" happening to you.  Obviously we are all on a spectrum and I have no idea where he really is on that spectrum, what trauma's he is trying to resolve, or even who he is.  I can see where that would be very upsetting to you discovering a hidden aspect of your husband after all this time.  That being said there is a dramatic difference between fantasizing and doing.  We all have some darkness in our thoughts that we hide or control somehow.  You get mad at the driver that cut you off and momentarily entertain the fantasy of driving them off the road,  That doesn't make you crazy.  Actually driving them off the road would make you crazy.  Whatever coping mechanisms that allow you to not do that, even if they seem a little crazy in themselves probably are worthwhile to avoid the big crazy.  Perhaps your husband is right and this in some small way helps him cope?  The evidence that you have been with him for 30 years and he hasn't spent time in jail or a loony bin would suggest that it does.  That is not to say there isn't a better coping mechanism.  I also don't think confessing his kink to the world will help you or him.  My wife had me do that as well with similar results to the shrinks.  Nobody seemed that freaked out by it, nobody cut me out of their life, or brought it up ever again.  Just made me miserable with no benefit that I could see beyond my wife's need to humiliate me.  But talk to the counselors.  Both of you.

Also I hope they don't kick you out of the room.  I don't think your painting us all with a broad brush violates any of the rules here.  And I don't think it hurts any of us to hear what a "normal" person thinks about us, or calling us misogynists, implying that we are sick, or even comparing us to Andrew Tate (whoever that is).  This is the Internet... kind of the definition of "words can never hurt me."  You are clearly hurt and understandably lashing out.  Of course that is up to the people who own the room.  Wish you the best of luck.

[CoffeeMug]

This is all fine and well, and I hope you all are getting off safe without actually hurting other people, but here's the deal. You probably are hurting other people whether you acknowledge it or not. There is a reason you keep this world hidden. There is a reason it is unacceptable in society and that is because the views you have about women and what you make them do in your fantasy minds eye Would never be acceptable to them if they knew. That is why you hide it  Think about that for a moment when you think that you are profess your love for someone, but you have an entire world hidden that you have never told them about that. Taste everything you do with women that makes it impossible for you to maintain or even achieve an erection in a ""normal sexual situation."
Furthermore, writing about violence, actual violence against women, as is down on this site is a template and a blueprint for people who lack the imagination themselves. No, I am not saying you cause people to be violent. What I am saying is that you by celebrating this violence normalize it and make it OK in the mind of others. I also believe that some of you are dangerous to women and children based on your writings. The fact that some of you cannot seem to separate children out of your fantasies, even though this site, explicitly prohibits, it tells me that there is a compulsion that is notable or not being controlled.
My husband told me he writes these stories so that he doesn't harm women in real life. That is scary as fuck to me and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry about any of your tragic childhood and abuse upbringings. If this is how you are choosing to channel your trauma and rage against women. 
I recognize this may not be most of you, but it is certainly many of you and certainly my husband Who is present on this thread.
He won't acknowledge that he has a problem, but I am telling the world he has a fucking problem and if you were on this site thinking you were innocent and not harming people. Well, you are just wrong. 
It is unbelievably disturbing to find files with your name and photos going back 30 years with images of the horrible things that your husband has has fantasized about happening to you and other women .
I did not have this. I did not ask for your world to be an existence, and I certainly did not ask to participate in it. But here we are. I also fully expect to be banned from this site soon, but that's OK because the security really sucks and it will continue to be monitored and reported as appropriate.
And an open note to my husband: If you believe that you are not doing anything wrong here, you should just admit it and own up to your kink. If you know that you have done something wrong, you need to make it right and if you can't make it right, you need professional help.
It is not OK to write and fantasize about trafficking real women and their children. Period. Full stop.

Please specify the content on this site that glorifies violence against children or trafficking children.

As for the rest, I'll just say this. The first time I remember becoming aroused by this material was when I saw a mud wrestling match on a crappy TV series. I've checked the air date for the episode, and I was 5 at the time. And I recall distinctly anticipating the buildup to the match and hoping it would happen, which suggests to me that this is something that's been 'down in me' from the start. So, no, I don't think that my acting on this fetish, which has been the way I experience sexual desire my whole life, in a way that doesn't harm anyone in the real world makes me "like Andrew Tate" or a child trafficker. People who traffic children, sexually harass women, rape, etc. are the people who are responsible for those things. I'm not "probably hurting other people" just by being alive.

Edit: I also remember watching the Wonder Woman TV series and hoping there would be a fight scene, and that went off the air before I turned 4.

[clark85]

This is all fine and well, and I hope you all are getting off safe without actually hurting other people, but here's the deal. You probably are hurting other people whether you acknowledge it or not. There is a reason you keep this world hidden. There is a reason it is unacceptable in society and that is because the views you have about women and what you make them do in your fantasy minds eye Would never be acceptable to them if they knew. That is why you hide it  Think about that for a moment when you think that you are profess your love for someone, but you have an entire world hidden that you have never told them about that. Taste everything you do with women that makes it impossible for you to maintain or even achieve an erection in a ""normal sexual situation."
Furthermore, writing about violence, actual violence against women, as is down on this site is a template and a blueprint for people who lack the imagination themselves. No, I am not saying you cause people to be violent. What I am saying is that you by celebrating this violence normalize it and make it OK in the mind of others. I also believe that some of you are dangerous to women and children based on your writings. The fact that some of you cannot seem to separate children out of your fantasies, even though this site, explicitly prohibits, it tells me that there is a compulsion that is notable or not being controlled.
My husband told me he writes these stories so that he doesn't harm women in real life. That is scary as fuck to me and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry about any of your tragic childhood and abuse upbringings. If this is how you are choosing to channel your trauma and rage against women. 
I recognize this may not be most of you, but it is certainly many of you and certainly my husband Who is present on this thread.
He won't acknowledge that he has a problem, but I am telling the world he has a fucking problem and if you were on this site thinking you were innocent and not harming people. Well, you are just wrong. 
It is unbelievably disturbing to find files with your name and photos going back 30 years with images of the horrible things that your husband has has fantasized about happening to you and other women .
I did not have this. I did not ask for your world to be an existence, and I certainly did not ask to participate in it. But here we are. I also fully expect to be banned from this site soon, but that's OK because the security really sucks and it will continue to be monitored and reported as appropriate.
And an open note to my husband: If you believe that you are not doing anything wrong here, you should just admit it and own up to your kink. If you know that you have done something wrong, you need to make it right and if you can't make it right, you need professional help.
It is not OK to write and fantasize about trafficking real women and their children. Period. Full stop.

uh generalizing everyone with some sort of trauma is just wrong.

I agree. I am referring to one person here. Glad it doesn't apply to you. But this site contributes to the global collection of misogyny, like Andrew Tate. My husband is sick. I hope you are not.

.
Then maybe you just refer to that one person.  As the above post itself was sickening in itself PS if your husband is so sick divorce him  I could  not stand to be around as someone as sick in the head as they are and it seems to be spreading

[BettyBoop]

I tried to divorce him. He fought it. I am homeless and live on the street and sometimes get to stay inside. I am offered housing for sex. I decline and am back in my tent and car in this weather. Trying not to die. Literally. Actually.
See here's the thing. He wrote about KILLING ME and having me mutilated. That's not within the normal realm of kinks and things and the shrinks I've spoken to can't even stomach it long enough to read it. So no. Counseling won't help and I want him to suffer now.
He and this site have taught me a lot about suffering and he can just shove that dildo right up his own ass.
I am tired of being tormented and the only way to may it stop is to make him stop. So I will.
For those of you who think it's ok to fantasize about killing your wife and exes and your family, well, that's your problem. And I hope you can keep these urges under wraps.
But he is about trafficking children and unless you all also support that, we're talking about different kinks and vices.
I don't give a dildo fuck about your consensual shit. Beat each other up. Cool.
But as someone who was sought out, love bombed, lied to with massive fraud (think George santos) and then found out about this shit a decade into a sexless, impotent marriage, I see it all differently.
Again, my point is to not do that to someone else. Leave incident people out of your writing and fantasy worlds of death and violence.
Oh, and looking back I see he has already chimed in here on this thread.
Hey, NCP. I'm talking about you, you sick fuck. Quit dragging out this divorce so you can go back and play dilldo torture and "manage your teams" all night  drinking and not remembering your multiple identities online. Which is also either sick or pathetic.
Irish. Karsa Orlong. WS2003 justlooking, Karl Butters. All of you. I mean you.

[daz]

Might be time for this thread to end.  it seems to have veered in a scary direction.

[BettyBoop]

Ha. Yes, Daz, let's.

I found the answers I needed here. Thank you all for your input. I will deal with my psychopath myself. I'm sorry to have involved anyone here unnecessarily, but after reading and following for over a year now, I see the difference between kink and sickness. Sad, but, again, thank you.
I will be leaving this site, so carry on.

[Big Easy Jim]

It is very plain and very simple.  With out a good  loving  women behind there man we would have failed  misably.

[lumberjack66]

Ha. Yes, Daz, let's.

I found the answers I needed here. Thank you all for your input. I will deal with my psychopath myself. I'm sorry to have involved anyone here unnecessarily, but after reading and following for over a year now, I see the difference between kink and sickness. Sad, but, again, thank you.
I will be leaving this site, so carry on.

We certainly wish you all the best, Betty wherever this thread goes.  Again, what you are describing is far in excess of 99% of the men I have spoken with here and their experiences.  Even if you are heading toward divorce, I would suggest counseling for both of you even after the divorce is complete.  Mental health is just worth it.  Even now they have the counseling over the internet.  Again. we wish you the best of luck.

[DM]

For the longest time, I struggled with my desire at watching two women fighting each other, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me seeing two women scratch and claw at each other, over the years I've come to accept as something that turns me on, the sight of 2 attractive women struggling against each other, the looks of pleasure and pain on their faces as they grab breasts is intoxicating to me. I think California Wildcats were the only company to truly capture that kind of eroticism and there's been no other company since that's come close, except maybe JM Rolen.

[clark85]

For the longest time, I struggled with my desire at watching two women fighting each other, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me seeing two women scratch and claw at each other, over the years I've come to accept as something that turns me on, the sight of 2 attractive women struggling against each other, the looks of pleasure and pain on their faces as they grab breasts is intoxicating to me. I think California Wildcats were the only company to truly capture that kind of eroticism and there's been no other company since that's come close, except maybe JM Rolen.

I dont see why you were struggling with it?  Do you watch sports at all, mma?  Competitive sports was something I always loved so for me seeing that crossover with women that just magnifies that.  Just not to the point of them competitors getting too hurt of course. So if you are attracted to women and then you see them doing something similar then of course it would be a turn on.  I used to watch wrestling as a kid like WWF all the time and the action was great, but then when I saw the chips episode with female mud wrestling that just made it all the more natural to be extremely attracted to it, even before puberty. Two attractive women just wrestling hard in mud against each other in a bar was just amazing and I loved it.

[Hairpullfan]

That Chips mud wrestling scene is an all timer. It would be great to know how many fetishists were 'born' after seeing that!  It was an oil wrestling scene on TV that got me going

[Hairpullfan]

For the longest time, I struggled with my desire at watching two women fighting each other, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me seeing two women scratch and claw at each other, over the years I've come to accept as something that turns me on, the sight of 2 attractive women struggling against each other, the looks of pleasure and pain on their faces as they grab breasts is intoxicating to me. I think California Wildcats were the only company to truly capture that kind of eroticism and there's been no other company since that's come close, except maybe JM Rolen.

I bet we've all been there. It actually turns me on a little more how bizarre this fetish is.  Even today I often think, "why am I doing this to myself while watching THIS!". ?

[clark85]

For the longest time, I struggled with my desire at watching two women fighting each other, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me seeing two women scratch and claw at each other, over the years I've come to accept as something that turns me on, the sight of 2 attractive women struggling against each other, the looks of pleasure and pain on their faces as they grab breasts is intoxicating to me. I think California Wildcats were the only company to truly capture that kind of eroticism and there's been no other company since that's come close, except maybe JM Rolen.

I bet we've all been there. It actually turns me on a little more how bizarre this fetish is.  Even today I often think, "why am I doing this to myself while watching THIS!". ?

That is so strange I feel nothing like that.  There is so much more bizarre shit out there

[CatfightsAreFun]

For the longest time, I struggled with my desire at watching two women fighting each other, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me seeing two women scratch and claw at each other, over the years I've come to accept as something that turns me on, the sight of 2 attractive women struggling against each other, the looks of pleasure and pain on their faces as they grab breasts is intoxicating to me. I think California Wildcats were the only company to truly capture that kind of eroticism and there's been no other company since that's come close, except maybe JM Rolen.

I bet we've all been there. It actually turns me on a little more how bizarre this fetish is.  Even today I often think, "why am I doing this to myself while watching THIS!". ?

That is so strange I feel nothing like that.  There is so much more bizarre shit out there

I've spoken to a few people outside this fetish about it, and none of them think it's weird. Enjoying watching woman fight is actually very common, we just kind of "specialise" in it lol. And it makes sense when you think about it, watching 2 ladies (often nude or in sexual attire) fight for dominance in a sweaty wrestle, I don't know if there's many people who wouldn't find it hot

[DJP60]

After game catfights were just part of being "cheer team queen",

captain, of her cheer squad