Just wondering recently female gay couples how is it determind who is more coming of the two ?Is done by friendly play wrestling .or just mutually agreed without any words needed.One is happy to to be submissive and let other take the lead ?. Would be interesting to hear from any gay women or Bi on this subject. Thanks.
Quote from: esperanza on July 31, 2018, 11:03:42 AM
with me & my girlfriend christine we try to be equal on all decisions but if it was fighting she would be the dominant partner, she is meaner and tougher & bigger and had more of a dominant attitude then I do
[/Thank you for reply so at some stage there is a physical side of dominant behaviour .
Wouldn't this be the same with any kind of relationship? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but in most situations involving more than one person you have something of a pecking order so to speak, in a conversation, a meeting, an intimate relationship, even passing someone on the street. There is always a kind of social hierarchy, the order can change and people can mistake their or others positions within it but I don't think you are ever going to be in a situation where you have two completely true equals.
Quote from: Stephanie on August 04, 2018, 01:56:39 PM
Wouldn't this be the same with any kind of relationship? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but in most situations involving more than one person you have something of a pecking order so to speak, in a conversation, a meeting, an intimate relationship, even passing someone on the street. There is always a kind of social hierarchy, the order can change and people can mistake their or others positions within it but I don't think you are ever going to be in a situation where you have two completely true equals.
The question was heteronormative as if sexual orientation trumps personality. Personally, I subscribe to Jean Shinoda Bolen's 1989 dissertation on how dominance and submission are distributed, how it's not anchored to gender and how two dominant or submissive can't have a fruitful relationship. That's not even touching on the subject of BDSM where a publicly dominant person may secretly seek domination sexually (oh so perfectly portrayed on the TV show Billions).
Usually, these questions stem from the sociocultural phenomenon of men being more allowed to semipublic or even very public displays of sexual approach and thus the empirical conclusion is drawn that a) the ..men are dominant and b) dominance is intrinsic to relationships.
Quote from: catfightlover40 on August 04, 2018, 02:10:54 PM
The question was heteronormative as if sexual orientation trumps personality. Personally, I subscribe to Jean Shinoda Bolen's 1989 dissertation on how dominance and submission are distributed, how it's not anchored to gender and how two dominant or submissive can't have a fruitful relationship. That's not even touching on the subject of BDSM where a publicly dominant person may secretly seek domination sexually (oh so perfectly portrayed on the TV show Billions).
Usually, these questions stem from the sociocultural phenomenon of men being more allowed to semipublic or even very public displays of sexual approach and thus the empirical conclusion is drawn that a) the ..men are dominant and b) dominance is intrinsic to relationships.
Yeah... what you said... with the words. Now if you will excuse me I have a ball to go and bounce.
Quote from: Stephanie on August 04, 2018, 03:36:29 PM
Quote from: catfightlover40 on August 04, 2018, 02:10:54 PM
The question was heteronormative as if sexual orientation trumps personality. Personally, I subscribe to Jean Shinoda Bolen's 1989 dissertation on how dominance and submission are distributed, how it's not anchored to gender and how two dominant or submissive can't have a fruitful relationship. That's not even touching on the subject of BDSM where a publicly dominant person may secretly seek domination sexually (oh so perfectly portrayed on the TV show Billions).
Usually, these questions stem from the sociocultural phenomenon of men being more allowed to semipublic or even very public displays of sexual approach and thus the empirical conclusion is drawn that a) the ..men are dominant and b) dominance is intrinsic to relationships.
Yeah... what you said... with the words. Now if you will excuse me I have a ball to go and bounce.
When I was a kid, I didn't show much interest for tinkering except in one area: watchmaking and repair. I dreamt of earning my freedom from the regime by getting so good I get to learn in neutral Switzerland. Alas, it was for naught as my hands refused to be as precise as my eyes are. What I'm trying to say with that is I didn't give that reply to woe, amaze or astonish in a "look at me I'm smart" fashion.
I did it because I like to know what makes people tick and if it can be shared, it makes all the wiser.
Quote from: catfightlover40 on August 05, 2018, 02:40:14 AM
When I was a kid, I didn't show much interest for tinkering except in one area: watchmaking and repair. I dreamt of earning my freedom from the regime by getting so good I get to learn in neutral Switzerland. Alas, it was for naught as my hands refused to be as precise as my eyes are. What I'm trying to say with that is I didn't give that reply to woe, amaze or astonish in a "look at me I'm smart" fashion.
I did it because I like to know what makes people tick and if it can be shared, it makes all the wiser.
Exactly...
sorry the ball got away from me there for a moment.
Quote from: Stephanie on August 04, 2018, 01:56:39 PM
Wouldn't this be the same with any kind of relationship? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but in most situations involving more than one person you have something of a pecking order so to speak, in a conversation, a meeting, an intimate relationship, even passing someone on the street. There is always a kind of social hierarchy, the order can change and people can mistake their or others positions within it but I don't think you are ever going to be in a situation where you have two completely true equals.
Hi ,yes perhaps. It was a passing curiosity and so asked .Being as i am not having same sex relationship. Thank you for feed back.
Quote from: grimlok on July 31, 2018, 01:30:02 AM
Just wondering recently female gay couples how is it determind who is more coming of the two ?Is done by friendly play wrestling .or just mutually agreed without any words needed.One is happy to to be submissive and let other take the lead ?. Would be interesting to hear from any gay women or Bi on this subject. Thanks.
We play a game of softball for it! Dumb ASS!
Quote from: pythonlegs on August 05, 2018, 08:52:54 PM
Quote from: grimlok on July 31, 2018, 01:30:02 AM
Just wondering recently female gay couples how is it determind who is more coming of the two ?Is done by friendly play wrestling .or just mutually agreed without any words needed.One is happy to to be submissive and let other take the lead ?. Would be interesting to hear from any gay women or Bi on this subject. Thanks.
We play a game of softball for it! Dumb ASS!
Quote from: grimlok on August 05, 2018, 08:24:12 PM
Quote from: Stephanie on August 04, 2018, 01:56:39 PM
Wouldn't this be the same with any kind of relationship? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but in most situations involving more than one person you have something of a pecking order so to speak, in a conversation, a meeting, an intimate relationship, even passing someone on the street. There is always a kind of social hierarchy, the order can change and people can mistake their or others positions within it but I don't think you are ever going to be in a situation where you have two completely true equals.
Hi ,yes perhaps. It was a passing curiosity and so asked .Being as i am not having same sex relationship. Thank you for feed back.
Quote from: pythonlegs on August 05, 2018, 08:52:54 PM
Quote from: grimlok on July 31, 2018, 01:30:02 AM
Just wondering recently female gay couples how is it determind who is more coming of the two ?Is done by friendly play wrestling .or just mutually agreed without any words needed.One is happy to to be submissive and let other take the lead ?. Would be interesting to hear from any gay women or Bi on this subject. Thanks.
We play a game of softball for it! Dumb ASS!
Bit off an agresseve and sarcatic answer was'nt it? just a simple question not meant to offend or cause arguements or judege any one. Just a simple question.
grimlok,
As your last reply was a bit of a longer quote, I won't embiggen that so I answer separately instead. It's kind of a shorthand for conflict de-escalation which isn't synonymous with being afraid to ask. Since this is the internet (duh!) people's experiences vary from decade and culture, not to mention personal temper.
When I meant that the question was heteronormative I hoped it to be understood as unintentionally unaware of underlying implications. For many centuries, if the mere thought of desiring the same sex wasn't hunted like a rabid animal, it was sexualized. In some regions, this practice ended with introducing limited civil rights, but there are places where same-sex oriented people are still viewed as dancing monkeys for our straight entertainment (and this is coming from a straight guy who back then found the transphobic jokes of Friends funny) so it's only natural that there will be reactions that scrutinize us for not making the effort. I can only speak for myself but if I had to live life as if people would constantly imagine my bedroom life or which positions I enjoy, yeah I'd be pissed.
While I totally get that this question wasn't in such a nature, it still was pretty personal and has the potential to retraumatize. From a heteronormative standpoint, it could imply a mere sexual orientation makes you a different human, from an LGBTQ one it does seem as if the questioned person is a whole other subset. Of course, it can also just be, that some think the answer is too obvious, or they don't like personal questions. Once I've quoted Charisma Carpenter and I got booted with no explanation given.
Thank you catfightlover40 message taken on board
I am bi, and I am very feminine girly girl, if you definitely have a relationship with a butch tomboy girl, this girl will be the dominant in the relationship for being stronger more masculine and usually these girls like to penetrate their partners with strop on, definitely these butch girls are the dominant ones in a relationship with a femme girl