So to start let me detail these two scenarios:
1. Some bitch has taken an unhealthy interest in your partner; it is very clear she wants him and in fact they may already be having an affair.
2. You've met this really great guy and you honestly feel that he is the one. Trouble is he already has a wife or girlfriend; this gives you pause...yet ultimately you do decide to pursue aggressively an relationship with him.
Both of the above scenarios are opposite sides of the same coin and both are highly likely to result in conflict. So my question is what difference does the fact you had a catfight with the other woman make? Is the result of one fight going to scare off the bitch making bedroom eyes at your man? Is a wife or girlfriend going to say "He's yours now"? Simply because you gave her a good slap and made her cry. Is she really going to give up on years of hard work to build a relationship because you beat her ass once? Would you give up your man because you lost a catfight?
Personally I don't see any black and white style answers here. But catfighting to preserve a relationship or catfighting to establish one...that seems foolhardy to me. And if a catfight does preserve your relationship or get you the man you want...are those relationships really any good to begin with and worth the risks associated with catfighting? Or perhaps the true answer here is that us girls are sore losers...especially when the competition is each other? Is it perhaps just the case that in both scenarios you're fighting because your pride won't let you back down and walk away?
As for myself...I once had two fights over what then I considered to be a cute guy. I won both but that first one was very close and I did not feel like the winner once the adrenaline worn off. And if I'm honest with myself; I think the reason I chose to fight Sarah twice was purely because I did not want to lose to her. However that is the conclusion I make now with hindsight; if you asked me back then you would have gotten a different answer. Honestly it's a little embarrassing when I think about it now; i don't regret fighting Sarah...far from it in fact. But I do regret making it all about him.
So ladies...anyone agree or disagree?
Xoxo
Kate
Quote from: sinclairfan on June 18, 2024, 04:20:43 PM
It's the peace-thru-strength strategy/philosophy. If the other woman knows you can fight, you'll win the guy without needing to fight her. She'll just slink away into the background.
But what if she does not slink away and decides to fight you. Would you walk away from a good relationship simply because some bitch kicked your ass?
Then if we consider things from the perspective of the victor. She had a fight over someone else's man and won; however her vanquished rival is still the partner of her heart's desire. So what did she actually accomplish? She did not get the man she wanted; she's still alone in life.
Xoxo
Kate
I once lost a fight over a woman. It really embarrassed me. Message me if you'd like to hear the story
Quote from: Dicey_Kate on June 18, 2024, 05:24:42 PM
Quote from: sinclairfan on June 18, 2024, 04:20:43 PM
It's the peace-thru-strength strategy/philosophy. If the other woman knows you can fight, you'll win the guy without needing to fight her. She'll just slink away into the background.
But what if she does not slink away and decides to fight you. Would you walk away from a good relationship simply because some bitch kicked your ass?
Then if we consider things from the perspective of the victor. She had a fight over someone else's man and won; however her vanquished rival is still the partner of her heart's desire. So what did she actually accomplish? She did not get the man she wanted; she's still alone in life.
Xoxo
Kate
The times I've fought for my man it was because I didn't want to back down from the fight. Once the possibility is laid out, i dont want to back down, especially if the other SHE has accepted the terms, or is eager to fight. Tha shows me that she's willing to risk losing just to beat me. That makes me want to beat her.
I know this is fantasy but in the real world . What man would dump his wife or girlfriend just because she lost a fight. Even if I won the fight, I wouldn't have the SOB.
I suspect the most common thing for women to fight over is men. But the outcome of the fights probably doesn't generally affect the relationships. It may remove a rival temporarily because she is afraid of the other. There may be some exceptions where the guy is one of us and truly wants to be with an alpha woman or something. But in general long term it probably doesn't change a lot. I can tell you as a guy women were going to fight over it was really flattering and if one of them had been too afraid to fight and chickened out it might have affected me. But long term I don't think I would have ended up with the Victor just because she won or something like that. But I do know cases where the guy being fought over at least temporarily ended up with the winner.
My wife Marie had a fight with an ex of mine in uni. Stephanie and I broke up in year 3 as she was off on a placement year and during that year I started dating Marie. Then in the next year Stephanie came back. I was now with Marie and made it clear to Stephanie I was no longer interested but she always seemed to turn up. One night Marie lost her temper and attacked her at a party. There was no way I was going to leave Marie win or lose but she just wanted to get rid of Stephanie for good. It sure did cement my relationship with marie though ???? oh and she won !!
Just my two cents on this topic...if your man is the one initiating contact with another woman there is no reason to fight her unless you just want to kick her ass to show him and her your the better , but honestly i would slap or punch him and walk away..if the woman is not just initiating but he tells her "hey i am married or engage what ever" then yeah drag her by her hair and make her sorry shes a whore.
If its a issue of new dating and a third or ex becomes an issue then you handle best way you can.
In certain instances I could see it making a difference but for the most part whatever girl you're with already wins or loses won't be the determining factor in the choice. I had a situation that did make me rethink who I was with. After breaking up with a gf I'd been dating for close to a year my new gf and my ex had an encounter that was physical but couldn't really be considered a fight. My ex had broken off our relationship and I really did like her. Shortly after I began dating another girl who was really nice and pretty as well. Once my ex gf found out she wasn't happy about it. Eventually she cornered my new gf accusing her of talking bad about her behind her back. Which wasn't true because my new gf had no reason to and wasn't the type to look for trouble and never even argued much with other people. So it was obvious my ex wanted to either cause us to break up or just wanted to fight her for whatever reason. I suppose it could've been just to show me that this other girl wasn't better than her since she was aware that female wrestling/fighting was a turn on for me. Finally she got my new gf to argue with her face to face while I was around to see it at the time. Of course I tried to separate the two not wanting either girl to be hurt . Despite my turn on by female fights it was a fantasy. I'd never want some one hurt. Anyway me trying to settle the down didn't work because my new gf had gotten mad enough she wanted to fight. Or so she was saying at the time. In my opinion she just didn't want to back down in front of me. I think she figured standing up to her would not actually end up in a fight. So when my ex slapped my new gf she was shocked. Before I could try and separate them my ex slapped her again. She now had tears in her eyes and never showed any signs of returning the slaps. She was scared to death having been hit and pretty hard. She wanted no part of a fight after feeling the results and how bad it hurt and feared really being hurt and embarrassed as well. I felt sorry for seeing how crushed she was and quickly separated them and left to avoid anything further. I truly felt bad for her because as she put it , she thought she let me down. Which wasn't the case at all and I stayed with her anyway and eventually married her. What the event did do was make me desire my ex and think about her often and in fact still to this day. It turned me on to the degree had she really made an attempt to get back together with me then I probably would have. When I see her today or think of her I see the girl who slapped and backed my gf down that day. As I said it's fantasy and stayed that after a time but it could've actually been part of the reason I did get back together had she tried to. Long winded reply I know but I'd say the situation depends on the weight it has on who ends up with who. I know I made the correct choice in staying with my new gf at the time. I still remember it like it was yesterday and thinking of it never fails to stir up that feeling that turns me on by this stuff.
I would say, in my mind as a man, the actual winner of the fight has no bearing on who I chose to spend the rest of my life with when I am in a relationship. I am a grown man and can make my decision on life partners without needing to resort to the results of athletic contests. I very firmly believe in the equal value of human beings and would need to be with a woman who believes that too, and treats people that way so that I know that if I died, my children would continue to influence the world in positive manner. Also, I don't want a severe difference in philosophy to give me the urge to undermine my partner if we did have kids, by having to tell them that I thought she was wrong and didn't have clear thinking in major life questions. The most important things in my partner are her world philosophy, and how she treats me (supporting and taking care of me as much as I support and take care of her) and others.
That being said!!! (Pause for dramatic effect). I totally understand the urge to fight a woman who wants to attract your man! In the current system of monogamy, I understand that urge to physically fight when you both want the same thing. It happens in hockey tryouts, dream job competitions, etc. (any time in your life when it really feels like this one thing could make or break your life trajectory [even thought it likely won't]).
Also, as a man with a fight fetish, I can see how a fight scenario could help a woman plant a hook in my mind by making me see her in an intensely sexual manner. Especially if she challenged another woman for me in a more womanly way (bumping tits, or going body-to-body/nose-to-nose and acting primally). For me though, 50% of all people in a fight lose, so the winning/losing doesn't mean much to me. There will always be a rematch and changes along the fighters lives that influence the outcomes of fights. What does win me over though, is that my woman thinks that I am worth fighting over. Nothing turns me off faster than a woman saying "no man is worth fighting for." There is just something so loveless about that indifference to losing that relationship to another woman to just say "if you want to leave, you can go, it doesn't matter to me." I would just never let my woman ever get to the point where they were trading blows, I would let the ex/intruder know who I was with and leave with them, exactly as I would expect my woman to do. IRL there are too many consequences to a fight; both physical and psychological for the fighters, to let it interfere in my relationship.
Summary: seeing a woman willing to fight is a turn on, but not big enough of a turn on to tip the scales of a romantic relationship.
This scenerio is largely a male fantasy, but in real life, if a pissed off woman is angry enough, then it could make a difference. When I was younger, I had one girlfriend who did attack a girl who had shown interest in me, thankfully, they never actually came to blows though. But had they done so, I dont know if both liking me would have made any difference to the actual result. The other girl managed to scarper, I wasnt there and wisely didnt ask for details.
Quote from: daz on June 20, 2024, 09:28:39 PM
This scenerio is largely a male fantasy, but in real life, if a pissed off woman is angry enough, then it could make a difference. When I was younger, I had one girlfriend who did attack a girl who had shown interest in me, thankfully, they never actually came to blows though. But had they done so, I dont know if both liking me would have made any difference to the actual result. The other girl managed to scarper, I wasnt there and wisely didnt ask for details.
I would say this scenario is not quite total fantasy...but it's not far off. As I said in an earlier post; I once fought Sarah over a cute guy. But on reflection...I think the fights took place more because we did not like each other and he was a convenient excuse to fight and one our mutual friends could accept.
Years ago I worked with a woman who apparently had the hots for me. I never mentioned anything to my wife about it since I didn't think much about it.
At a retirement party for a fellow coworker, my wife and I entered the building. That's when Bonnie, the other woman, came up to me and gave me a kiss on the lips and said hi sweetie. Thought I was going to die. My wife didn't say anything but was annoyed to say the least.
During the evening Bonnie would come to talk to me. It was at the table with the salads were, Bonnie was talking to me. Then my wife came over to me, put her arm around me, kissed me and said how's my husband. She gave Bonnie a dirty look.
After that evening Bonnie didn't bother with me that much afterwards.
My wife and I still talk about it once in a while and I always asks her if she took Bonnie outside to have a talk with her. Of course she said she didn't.
Had there been a fight, my wife would have easily won. Even if she didn't, I would never leave my wife.
We all know all these stories are fantasy ( putting it nicely ) or complete bullshit (stating a fact ) I always thought the idea of two guys fighting over a women or two women over a guy , was ridiculous.
There can't be anyone so fucked up that they'd choose who they go with based on whether they won or lost a fight. ::)
I'm going to suggest that fighting over a man only augments the relationship. Demonstrating a willingness to do so shows your level of commitment. And that kind of competition is also hardwired as "sexy" in his mind, so it will lead to enhanced intimacy, win or lose. The outcome of the fight itself is not the predictor of where things end up. The willingness to fight over him very well may be a better predictor.
Yes it seems silly as an adult but it's fairly common among raging hormone teens whether male or female.
The beauty of a fantasy is that we never need grow up there. Just try not to let the fantasy world and real world get too mixed up.
I totally agree that the idea is extremely hot. It's fueled my fantasies over the years and it has obviously done the same for many others.
My wife is quite jealous and I'm convinced she would fight any woman she thought was fucking me (or trying to) but then she would come after me for allowing or encouraging it! I love the idea of her fighting a rival and wouldn't care if she won or lost but in the real world that can mean injury, police and other not so pleasant results. Still makes for great "pillow talk" though!
Quote from: snw on June 20, 2024, 05:42:31 AM
In certain instances I could see it making a difference but for the most part whatever girl you're with already wins or loses won't be the determining factor in the choice. I had a situation that did make me rethink who I was with. After breaking up with a gf I'd been dating for close to a year my new gf and my ex had an encounter that was physical but couldn't really be considered a fight. My ex had broken off our relationship and I really did like her. Shortly after I began dating another girl who was really nice and pretty as well. Once my ex gf found out she wasn't happy about it. Eventually she cornered my new gf accusing her of talking bad about her behind her back. Which wasn't true because my new gf had no reason to and wasn't the type to look for trouble and never even argued much with other people. So it was obvious my ex wanted to either cause us to break up or just wanted to fight her for whatever reason. I suppose it could've been just to show me that this other girl wasn't better than her since she was aware that female wrestling/fighting was a turn on for me. Finally she got my new gf to argue with her face to face while I was around to see it at the time. Of course I tried to separate the two not wanting either girl to be hurt . Despite my turn on by female fights it was a fantasy. I'd never want some one hurt. Anyway me trying to settle the down didn't work because my new gf had gotten mad enough she wanted to fight. Or so she was saying at the time. In my opinion she just didn't want to back down in front of me. I think she figured standing up to her would not actually end up in a fight. So when my ex slapped my new gf she was shocked. Before I could try and separate them my ex slapped her again. She now had tears in her eyes and never showed any signs of returning the slaps. She was scared to death having been hit and pretty hard. She wanted no part of a fight after feeling the results and how bad it hurt and feared really being hurt and embarrassed as well. I felt sorry for seeing how crushed she was and quickly separated them and left to avoid anything further. I truly felt bad for her because as she put it , she thought she let me down. Which wasn't the case at all and I stayed with her anyway and eventually married her. What the event did do was make me desire my ex and think about her often and in fact still to this day. It turned me on to the degree had she really made an attempt to get back together with me then I probably would have. When I see her today or think of her I see the girl who slapped and backed my gf down that day. As I said it's fantasy and stayed that after a time but it could've actually been part of the reason I did get back together had she tried to. Long winded reply I know but I'd say the situation depends on the weight it has on who ends up with who. I know I made the correct choice in staying with my new gf at the time. I still remember it like it was yesterday and thinking of it never fails to stir up that feeling that turns me on by this stuff.
Hey thank you for sharing that story not to pry but if you don't mind me asking what did your ex and your gf look like at the time of there encounter, also did your ex have long nails( and if so what color.) or rings on when she smacked your wife and finally did your wife have a mark where she was hit. If you don't want to answer because it's to personal I truly understand.
Quote from: Dicey_Kate on June 18, 2024, 03:01:45 PM
So to start let me detail these two scenarios:
1. Some bitch has taken an unhealthy interest in your partner; it is very clear she wants him and in fact they may already be having an affair.
2. You've met this really great guy and you honestly feel that he is the one. Trouble is he already has a wife or girlfriend; this gives you pause...yet ultimately you do decide to pursue aggressively an relationship with him.
Both of the above scenarios are opposite sides of the same coin and both are highly likely to result in conflict. So my question is what difference does the fact you had a catfight with the other woman make? Is the result of one fight going to scare off the bitch making bedroom eyes at your man? Is a wife or girlfriend going to say "He's yours now"? Simply because you gave her a good slap and made her cry. Is she really going to give up on years of hard work to build a relationship because you beat her ass once? Would you give up your man because you lost a catfight?
Personally I don't see any black and white style answers here. But catfighting to preserve a relationship or catfighting to establish one...that seems foolhardy to me. And if a catfight does preserve your relationship or get you the man you want...are those relationships really any good to begin with and worth the risks associated with catfighting? Or perhaps the true answer here is that us girls are sore losers...especially when the competition is each other? Is it perhaps just the case that in both scenarios you're fighting because your pride won't let you back down and walk away?
As for myself...I once had two fights over what then I considered to be a cute guy. I won both but that first one was very close and I did not feel like the winner once the adrenaline worn off. And if I'm honest with myself; I think the reason I chose to fight Sarah twice was purely because I did not want to lose to her. However that is the conclusion I make now with hindsight; if you asked me back then you would have gotten a different answer. Honestly it's a little embarrassing when I think about it now; i don't regret fighting Sarah...far from it in fact. But I do regret making it all about him.
So ladies...anyone agree or disagree?
Xoxo
Kate
As a male, it is fun to have two girls fight over you but that doesn't mean either gets you in the end. Same goes for two guys fighting over a girl. Nothing wrong with a good fight but consider the real reason. And, yes, there have been times when I did not do that so well myself. So often, easier said than done.
Quote from: jessiefite on June 22, 2024, 02:45:38 AM
I'm going to suggest that fighting over a man only augments the relationship. Demonstrating a willingness to do so shows your level of commitment. And that kind of competition is also hardwired as "sexy" in his mind, so it will lead to enhanced intimacy, win or lose. The outcome of the fight itself is not the predictor of where things end up. The willingness to fight over him very well may be a better predictor.
That's definitely a valid perspective; thanks for sharing Jessie. Oh and we should chat sometime :)
Of course it makes a difference. When my wife fights for me, it makes me desire her even more!!
Fighting a girl who is your romantic competition makes sense in three scenarios.
1. If you want to start seeing someone and they don't know how to choose.
2. If it's over a one-night stand or something else not meaningful.
3. If you just want to beat the bitch. You won't be fighting over a guy but just beating the girl who wants to take him over you.